Want to change in 2026? Start with who is steering your inner choices
Every January the ritual of “New Year’s resolutions” starts again. But 1 January isn’t a magic wand; if you really want to achieve your resolutions, get rid of the mistake that sabotages you: confusing behaviour with identity.
Authentic growth comes from an inner act, certainly not from a list!
Put your true “I”, your stable point of awareness and will, able to observe and direct, back in the director’s chair. Otherwise your “wounded” inner parts will take its place and make you act mechanically, like an unaware “robot”.
Authentic growth doesn’t come from a list, but from who is behind the wheel.
Who is driving your car?
The real driver (I)
This is your stable point of awareness and will. It watches the road, chooses the direction and stays in control.
*Example: you’re in a meeting and you feel angry. The real driver notices: “I’m feeling anger” and decides how to act.
The passengers who grab the wheel
When the real driver gets distracted, the passengers take control:
They are inner parts trying to help you, but they do it with a child’s logic, because they formed when you were small.
Back then those strategies made sense: avoiding being told off, seeking approval, defending yourself from fear.
Today, however, they become ineffective and even counterproductive.
They aren’t bad: they are attempts at protection with a limited view.
*Example: you identify with the fear of getting it wrong and say nothing. As a child it helped you avoid judgement; as an adult it stops you from showing leadership.
Behaviour = the manoeuvre
It’s what can be seen: a turn, a brake. It isn’t the whole journey, nor the driver.
It can be corrected. It can be changed.
But only if you get back behind the wheel.
Judgement vs evaluation: two roads, two destinations
Identifying with a behaviour almost always leads to judgement: the inner ground becomes hostile. Evaluating from the I, on the other hand, activates kindness: the ground becomes fertile.
The road of judgement (ill will)
Mistake → Judgement → Search for blame/culprit → Sad emotions (Anger–Fear–Sadness) → Usual or vicious behaviour
Effect: the script repeats, energy drops, shame grows.
The road of evaluation (kindness)
Mistake → Evaluation from the I → Search for the cause → Generative emotions (joy at the insight, calm, determination) → Repair → Virtuous behaviour
Effect: awareness and self-direction grow; the trajectory improves.
Remember: Without kindness there is no “thinking well”.
Without clear, kind thinking, the right emotion — the one connected to the here and now — doesn’t arise.
And without the right emotion, behaviour stays old, reactive and repetitive.
The chain of change is this:
Kindness → Clear thinking → Appropriate emotion → New, virtuous action.
None of your inner parts is an “enemy”: they all came about with the noble aim of protecting you. It’s just that they formed in childhood, so they are ineffective for the adult you are now. That’s why none of them should ever take the I’s place in the director’s chair!
Here are 3 practical steps, 6UNICO! style, to start 2026 with your true “I” in charge.
STEP 1: Move from judgement to evaluation
To move from an automatic, defensive reaction (judgement) to a conscious, observing response (evaluation), and set off the chain of change:
Kindness → Clear thinking → Appropriate emotion → New, virtuous action.
1 – Stop and write
When you make a mistake or don’t keep a resolution:
- Take a sheet of paper and draw two columns:
Column 1: Judgement
Column 2: Evaluation
2 – Fill in the columns
- Judgement (automatic):
Write the sentence that comes to you spontaneously.
Example:
“I’m useless.” - Evaluation (conscious):
Respond with kindness and curiosity:
“Yesterday afternoon I made a mistake by closing the negotiation with my client so abruptly.”
3 – Find the need
Ask yourself:
- Which part was activated inside me?
- Which legitimate need was it trying to protect? (Safety, recognition, injustice…)
4 – Decide on the repair
Write down one micro-action to make amends without judgement:
Example:
“Next time, before reacting, I’ll take a few breaths and short pauses and ask the client questions to regain control.”
STEP 2: Practise “disidentification”
When you feel one of the three sad emotions (Anger, Sadness, Fear) or justify yourself by saying “I can’t help it” or “That’s just how I am”, it means a wounded part of you is taking control.
Don’t fight it: recognise it, welcome it and step back from it, because you are not that part. It’s only one part of you.
How to do it, in 3 simple steps:
Awareness and naming
- Stop and take a slow, deep breath.
- Name the emotion:
“I notice that Anger is present in me”
(or Sadness, Fear…)
This moves you from being the emotion to observing it.
Distinguish the I from the inner part that has taken its place
- Tell yourself:
“This is a part of me that has been activated because it resonates with a wound. I’m not in the here and now.”
This takes power away from the automatic reaction.
Remember: the part isn’t “bad”, it’s trying to defend you with childish strategies.
But you are an adult now and you can choose.
Take back the director’s chair
- End with:
“I am the one who observes and chooses. Now I decide what to do.”
This brings you back to the here and now and puts your true I back in charge.
Repeat this process every time you think:
“I can’t help it” or “That’s just how I am”.
STEP 3: Who is behind the wheel?
Imagine your life as a car journey: who is driving? Are you behind the wheel, or one of your “inner parts” that takes control when you’re under pressure?
What to do:
- Draw a car and in the driver’s seat write:
I (the real driver) → This is you, the awareness that can choose the direction. - In the other seats, write the “passengers” who sometimes grab the wheel, with concrete examples:
- “The one who wants to look good in meetings”
- “The one who gets angry when the team misses deadlines”
- “The one who avoids confrontation for fear of tension”
- “The one who freezes before speaking in front of the CEO”
- Every week, note down:
- Who took the wheel? (e.g. “On that call, the one who wanted to please everyone was driving”)
- When did you get back in the driver’s seat? (e.g. “I took a breath and chose to share my opinion calmly”)
Don’t wait: put the I in charge now
2026 is the year to take back the wheel of your life. Every conscious choice brings you closer to your true I and further from automatic reactions.
Start today: take pen and paper, identify your first judgement and turn it into an evaluation. Take a small step towards your authentic growth.
Real change starts with who is driving your life, not with lists of resolutions. Take the wheel — your I is waiting for you!
